New meaning and Diary

The new meaning is to do with "walking the dogs," you will find out about that in moment. I have put the rest of the diet diary pages on here so that I am up to date for this week onwards.
Grrrr to bloggers repositioning yet again.

The Naturopath put me on a the elimination diet for 2 weeks stating that the average weight loss is 3-5kg for those 2 weeks. I inwardly laughed when I heard this as I tend not to lose that quick. Normally it would take 10 months for me to lose 3-5kgs. I go to seem him once a fortnight but didn't start the diet until halfway through a fortnight due to my birthday and other celebrations. I rocked up at his office a week later only to tell him the good news: I had stuck to the diet, given up the iced coffee, drunk 2 or more litres of water a day (hadn't quite got into the exercise groove though) and guess what ... I gained 500gr. He told me that in the 11 years he has been handing out this diet no-one has ever gained weight. I felt like saying welcome to the contradiction of my life.

The below page is how I felt. I was telling myself that like everything else this would not work. The difference was that I was determined to make it work and try and put that old thinking behind me (go the Biggest Loser for teaching me that one) so this page represents that battle.

Then a week later I have lost 2kg. YAY! First time in ages I have lost weight that quick so I decided that what and dairy just don't agree with me and have continued with the diet to the best of my ability (sometimes you just gotta have wheat because there is no alternative). I have also been watching the Biggest Loser Master Class and printing off their recipes. Mmmm they have some yummy stuff.

Have seen Zumba advertised on TV and because I love dancing and once upon a time actually started learning Street Latin, I just had to get the DVDs. I got the basic kit which is about 4-5 different sessions. There is an instructional DVD that slowly takes you through the basic movements. Most I can get but some I have to learn. This instructional goes for about 60 minutes ... I think. I can just make it through 20 minutes if I go full on with the moves and don't slow down. Love it though.

My Aunty Dawn has always been solid and then fat. I think I take after her in her ability to gain weight. Most of you know she was diagnosed with Motor Neurone disease last November and passed away March 9 this year. On March 8 I went to visit her and told her that I had lost 4kg altogether. I have a feeling she knew she wouldn't be around to see me reach even my first weight loss goal, because she cried when I told her. Normally she would be very happy for me. She loved her roses and she loved purple, hence the page below.

Well the next two images say it all really. I was so excited to have lost 5.5kg altogether only to gain a kg and then lose only 500gr.

The week before Easter long weekend I started walking with some of the girls at work. Only fat people allowed because skinning people walk to fast! :) That is what one of the girls said anyway. Each day we walk a good 30-40 mins, half of that going up quite a steep hill (we do that first so coming back is easy). On the Thursday I had 2 tiny Easter eggs and that was it. Weighing myself was disappointing but not disappointing. You see all week I have noticed that my pants are a lot loser (to the point where they nearly fell off my hips - thank God for safety pins in the medical box). I am trying to convince myself that maintaining the weight is due to building muscle. That is my excuse and I am sticking to it. :)

Well that brings us up to date now with the diet diary. I will weigh in tomorrow (cross fingers) and make another page about this last week. Kinda went back to the iced coffee this week so not sure how I will go.

No one has been walking at work so I have come home and taken the dogs for a good 40 minute walk. It is good practice because I have signed up with our corporate team for the RSPCA Million Paws walk (click the link above to donate). Bo is a little short to go the full distance so mum purchased a doggy sling and she gets carried the last half of the walk. The first day she wasn't sure of it but the next couple of days she was asking to go in it. Lazy thing! She might be small but she weighs a tonne. The below photos are of me and Bo after todays walk. By the way I haven't been able to wear that pink T-shirt or tracky pants for a year at least. Yes i am standing slightly side on and sucking in the belly. Look good don't I!!! LOL

Pages 5 & 6

First I would like to say thank you for your comments, those posted here and others. Doing this and making it public is like a release for me. You never realise how much you are holding in until you force yourself to open up and sometimes it is floodgates you open.

I would particularly like to comment to Lady Astrid. Tassie gave me 2 great friends, you and on other person. It is because of the friendship that I had with the two of you that I realised I could have and deserved to have friends. When I moved over here it was like a light bulb switched on. I refused to be the victim and I succeeded in that at least outwardly to others. There were more nights than I care to remember that I cried myself to sleep in high school over this and that. I always put it down to my weight. I hated to think that it was my personality. I suppose that is one reason why I have kept the weight on. I can use it as an excuse for men especially, not taking notice of me rather than my personality (which can either be very quiet and shy, or overbearing at times I suppose). Yes it would have been nice if you kept in touch but hey we were 13 and learning the ropes of puberty etc. If it wasn't you writing it would probably have been me. :) Anyway thanks for the hugs.

This is where I am at weight wise (so embarrassing to have got this heavy) and my mini goals down to my goal weight. Seriously I will be Happy with 60kg but my height and build suggest according to the BMI that my ideal weight is 48-53 Kg. This is hard for me to maintain. Would you believe that in some sadistic sort of way a few years ago when I weighed 96 kg I subconsciously thought, "let me get to 100kg than I can say I lost half my body weight." OMG how pathetic is that!

As mentioned in a previous post I was put on an elimination diet. Below is what I had to do. My naturopath said that everyone he has put on it in the last 11 years has lost between 3-5kg in the 2 weeks you are on it.

Yes me in all my glory. This was taken in Cambodia. I hate photos of myself but this is me in all my glory. When I lose weight I am going back to Cambodia to get another one done! LOL Apparently I was considered very beautiful because I was rich enough to feed myself. If only they knew it was the avoidance of food that got me this way. Anyway this photo will eventually end up on the page above.

Took the dogs walking tonight. Ended up carrying Bo in a sling all the way home. She might be small but she has some weight to her. Would you believe I passed a stick person walking her dog while sucking on a lollie pop! There's a contradiction in health awareness. :)

More tomorrow.

Pages 3 and 4

Again I apologise for the angle of some of the images. Not sure what is happening with blogger lately and I am sounding like a broken record.

Below are the next couple of pages in my diet diary as well as some other pendants that I made the other day and forgot to load them here.

Here I am thinking I am living a good life but not realising there is more to it than my little patch of grass.

On the walls I have typed the things and emotions that have kept me in hiding.

This is memories that stand out the most and helped to destroy my self esteem. It was kind of like "well if family members are saying this and the school kids are doing this then what is the point in trying because this is obviously who I am." Well it's not!

Ah yes the classic from my father: the see food eater. He thought it was a joke but it was the way he introduced me to everyone. He even gave me a plaque with it on. I was 14 then and looking quite good. I told him off and said it was not funny. He hasn't said it since but it still stays with me.

Oh my goodness, I still remember the day and the TV add so clearly. This is a nickname I kept secret since I have moved to WA when I was 13. Moving was like a fresh start and the fat jokes stopped but that was probably because I stopped eating breakfast and lunch and only ate dinner. No I never became anorexic, in fact I maintained a size 14. Hence the deterioration of my metabolism and therefore fat storing. I have been told that my body has been in starvation mode for years.

No more. I am trying really hard right now to lose the weight and I know I will eventually be successful.

Motivation

One of these days blogger is going to surprise me and actually have my images the right way round. Oh well can't complain too much ... it is free.

Back in February my Naturopath put me on an elimination diet. I decided I was going to keep a diet diary of a different kind. By incorporating the things I love to do I will be more motivated to keep it updated. Unfortunately due to a messy studio and other things I have really only been able to start it this weekend. I have pasted the first two pages below. The dark coulourless pages symbolise my state of mind at the time. By the way I think that Iced coffee should come with an addiction warning like cigarettes. Oh and for my friends in the US, in Australia iced coffee is coffee flavoured milk. Its not like iced tea and therefore only containing ice, water and coffee like I unfortunately found out at Starbucks in Canada.

If you click onto the photos you should see them at a larger size (sometimes). This Diary will display my thoughts, my memories, how I am feeling and unfortunately my weight. I wasn't going to show it on here but I thought it might motivate others.


The Diary is up to date now but I will not bombard you with all the photos at once. If I get time I will post them throughout the week. I also managed to get to play with some plastic that I purchased. Don't ask me the name of it because I can't remember but it becomes pliable with heat. I used my heat tool but instructions say hot water will do the same. I decided to get a little creative and do some pendants. I used a dedicated macro lens so they look a lot bigger than what they are.