Pages 5 & 6

First I would like to say thank you for your comments, those posted here and others. Doing this and making it public is like a release for me. You never realise how much you are holding in until you force yourself to open up and sometimes it is floodgates you open.

I would particularly like to comment to Lady Astrid. Tassie gave me 2 great friends, you and on other person. It is because of the friendship that I had with the two of you that I realised I could have and deserved to have friends. When I moved over here it was like a light bulb switched on. I refused to be the victim and I succeeded in that at least outwardly to others. There were more nights than I care to remember that I cried myself to sleep in high school over this and that. I always put it down to my weight. I hated to think that it was my personality. I suppose that is one reason why I have kept the weight on. I can use it as an excuse for men especially, not taking notice of me rather than my personality (which can either be very quiet and shy, or overbearing at times I suppose). Yes it would have been nice if you kept in touch but hey we were 13 and learning the ropes of puberty etc. If it wasn't you writing it would probably have been me. :) Anyway thanks for the hugs.

This is where I am at weight wise (so embarrassing to have got this heavy) and my mini goals down to my goal weight. Seriously I will be Happy with 60kg but my height and build suggest according to the BMI that my ideal weight is 48-53 Kg. This is hard for me to maintain. Would you believe that in some sadistic sort of way a few years ago when I weighed 96 kg I subconsciously thought, "let me get to 100kg than I can say I lost half my body weight." OMG how pathetic is that!

As mentioned in a previous post I was put on an elimination diet. Below is what I had to do. My naturopath said that everyone he has put on it in the last 11 years has lost between 3-5kg in the 2 weeks you are on it.

Yes me in all my glory. This was taken in Cambodia. I hate photos of myself but this is me in all my glory. When I lose weight I am going back to Cambodia to get another one done! LOL Apparently I was considered very beautiful because I was rich enough to feed myself. If only they knew it was the avoidance of food that got me this way. Anyway this photo will eventually end up on the page above.

Took the dogs walking tonight. Ended up carrying Bo in a sling all the way home. She might be small but she has some weight to her. Would you believe I passed a stick person walking her dog while sucking on a lollie pop! There's a contradiction in health awareness. :)

More tomorrow.