Friday, 31 August 2007

Such Cruelty

I knew my boss had a mean streak but I never thought he would go this far. He went away again this week so I decided to rescue the poor Monchichi from hanging from it's neck by a streamer noose, only to walk into the office today to find it all bloodied and tied up. The skewers from the lions and birds going up into its clothes; it's hands and feet bound and once again hanging upside down.

It is time we make a stand and stick up for those less fortunate than us. We must stick up for the rights of those who are teased because they happen to be cuter and sweeter than someone else. It is because of this type of injustice that the world is the way it is. We need to fight for equality and freedom in the name of those who can not speak their own names! Who is with me???

Okay maybe that was a little too much but hey, look at what I have to put up with!

Tuesday, 28 August 2007

The Shoes

Okay I managed to get a photograph of the shoes that my colleague wore along with his white suit and black shirt. The fake albino crocodile look just goes lovely with the rest of the outfit. Poor guy has copped so much flack at work for his outfit and to make matters worse, the work camera was there and there are photo's on our intranet that everyone can access!!!!!

Monday, 27 August 2007

Cocktail Party

Saturday afternoon I got busy taking up the pants that I was going to wear to the cocktail party. These are no ordinary pants, thy are double layered organza type fabric with a split half way up the calf on the outside of each leg. They then have the addition of two flappy bits of fabric (sounds weird but looks nice). Anyway it got to 5:30 and I was still finishing them off only to find that I didn't unpick high enough for the dangly bits not to swish all over the floor. So I tied the two pieces in a double knot and that was enough to keep it off the floor. My top that I bought was a very sparkly black.

I managed to get to the cocktail bar (the Red Herring) in Freo about 20 minutes late which was good because people were still arriving but there were enough there to mingle with. I walked in behind the band members who happened to be in torn jeans, shirts hanging out and baseball caps on (except for one really messy Afro). At first I thought I was in the wrong place and then I saw it ... a sight to behold ... one of my team members dressed in a white suit with a black top. He stood out like a saw thumb. The first thing he said to me was "I love your top!"

Half an hour later he come up to me again (a little more happy) flashes open his bright white jacket and says "look we match, my shirt is black with silver stripes!" For the next few hours he kept finding me and telling me how much he liked my top. After the 10th time I lost count and I am also surprised there is any glitter left on the right arm because he kept feeling the fabric there.

Now this guy has suddenly found himself a bachelor after breaking up with his girlfriend of quite a few years. It is no secret that he is on the prowl and has chatted up many of the young beautiful girls in the office. However throughout the course of the night his attention seemed to change from one gender to another to the point where (and I am sure the white suit had something to do with it) people were coming to me asking which side he was batting for! He even told me at one stage someone came straight up and asked him if he was gay.

He was certainly the entertainment for the night. My boss said he made Miami Vice come to mind, but then a disco song came on and he started doing disco so he got called John Travolta.

Anyway I had a great time and this morning when I walked in he said to me "I really liked your top on Saturday night, but I think I may have told you that once already!" To which I laughed and replied "more than 10 times." Then later in the after, in the middle of assisting him with something he said "I can't believe we matched on Saturday, who would have thought!" I didn't say this but I was thinking: "I was in all black with an extremely glittery top on and you were in a white suit, white shoes, and a black top with faint sliver thread depicting stripes - we didn't match."

I later found out that he also liked a fake fur jacket one of the girls had. Apparently he looked like a pimp when he had it on. I am starting to worry about this guy and what being a bachelor is doing to him. No-one really knows which team he is batting for (appears to be both) and he has suddenly taken a liking to women's clothing. Maybe I should point out that the Red Cross is having a Cross Dress fundraising day. He might be interested. :)

Thursday, 23 August 2007

The Wardrobe

I am not much of a fashion person. In fact I hate shopping for clothes. This is mainly because I am 5ft tall and weigh twice the weight that I should weigh. Firstly if you are 5 ft there are no clothes your length: tops are too long in the neck and pants (even short size) have to be taken up a couple of inches. I also have the problem of being very well endowed in the chest area and tops just aren't made for those who have the same problem as me. Therefore I have to find shirts that are big and baggy (comfortable) and look like I need to be pitched somewhere for camping.

The majority of women are an average size Aussie 14. Obviously I am more than this however I am pointing out that the average woman is not stick thin. The thing I have noticed the most when I go into a department store is how the clothes are set out. They tend to go in stages:
  1. funky late teen early 20's style clothes (the ones the skinny me trapped inside would love to wear. Their style is bold and sexy and immediately says look at me aren't I pretty.
  2. this next are is for the more mature woman and by that I mean late 20's into their 30's. These styles aren't so bold but they are classically cut, have beautiful drapes and folds, you know the clothes I mean
  3. Next to this is evening wear. Swishy full skirts or figure hugging fabrics that leave nothing to the imagination.
  4. further into the store is the lingerie. Skimpy little lacy things that would barely wrap around my chihuahua.
  5. As you get passed the skimpy lingerer, hidden in the back you will find the lingerie for my size. They are the sort of thing my grandmother would wear. Nothing sexy but at least it holds up the boulders. If ever the need arose I am sure I could use mine as a parachute.
  6. From here you are into the larger sizes and by this time you are also way up the back of the store where hardly anyone goes. The outfits are just as daggy as lingerie and then suddenly you find something nice. Your surprise turns to disappointment when you realise it belongs in maternity wear and someone had just dumped it. So by the damn thing you say. Yes I could however it is a psychological thing. I fat, not pregnant. People would know!

Anyway as you can see fat people tend to be shoved to the back in the hopes they aren't noticed. What gets me is that the designers choose bold busy colours and styles that make us look even fatter and then they add an extra $20 to it because there is an extra half metre of material.

This was not meant to be a lecture on the woes of fat short people. I am in fact happy to say that despite the MY SIZE stores that have popped up (still with clothes that make me look twice as wide as I am height) I have found a store where the girls are lovely. At first glance the clothing looks like it is for older ladies but when you tell the assistants what you are looking for they pull out all these wonderful looking tops and pants. Yes everything is over $100 but it is worth it when I don't spend much on clothes to begin with. The place is called the wardrobe and their website is:

For the first time in years I actually had to make a choice between what I wanted rather than half heartedly purchase something I wasn't all that keen on.

I will be wearing the outfit to a cocktail party on Saturday night for work. I may be fat but watch out world. Fat can be STUNNING!!!!

Tuesday, 21 August 2007

The ongoing saga of the monchichi doll

I told my boss that I should be allowed to put the photo's on the Internet and he said that that was okay.

The doll is still hanging from it's head in his office. I asked him today if his wife had seen it and he said no but surprise, surprise he will be taking it home soon!!! He just has to find a spot at home where he can hang it my it's noose!

Personally I think that because it is cuter than he is, he is taking it home to get it out of the office. Maybe I should warn him that his wife might fall for the doll (considering there are similarities) and then he could be in big trouble!!!

Monday, 20 August 2007

The Boss's Reaction

Well my payback backfired. He loved it TOO much! I should have let one of the guys stick toothpicks in his chair!

I came into work and saw that the majority of the streamers had been taken down, he had fun popping the balloons this afternoon and the doll was once again hanging from the neck via a streamer. I told him that everyone thinks the doll is cute and considering we think it looks like him, he should therefore take it as a compliment. He wasn't too sure about that. I must admit the doll does have more hair (did I type that out loud)! Eventually I asked him what it was about the doll he didn't like considering everyone else had fallen in love with it. He said that was the problem. It was too cute and he was jealous of the attention it was getting!

Anyway he really liked it, so much so he dragged his wife down there to have a look over the weekend. She was also impressed.

I told him I was not going to do it every birthday if he loved it that much. He said GOOD! I then said, "okay if you insist - I will."

Maybe I should start up an office decorating business.

Sunday, 19 August 2007

Office Fun

My boss is a bit of a practical joker however one day he told me in all seriousness that we were a team and teams stick up for each other. It was only about 3 weeks later that he got me big time with a practical joke over the phone. Friends convinced me it was payback time. So much for the team sticking up for each other!!! :)
It was his birthday this weekend and he was away all last week which was just perfect to do his office over. It took 90 minutes on thursday night with 5 of us working hard. I even got permission from his boss just in case he tries to tell me off tomorrow. I knew he was coming in on Friday to do some work but he was in for all of 10 mins. I am hoping that he doesn't pull it down this weekend as he goes into work on Sunday's sometimes.
Anyway below are the photo's of his office. His name and those involved shall remain nameless as he would probably fire me if he knew this was on the internet. Unfortunately this means some of the better photo's aren't being displayed.