Once again I was left on my own at Jacob's Ladder. So much for the group thing!!! Anyway I didn't have to run off to Bible Study Group tonight so I thought I would take my time and try for 3 times up and down. I didn't go last week because I was sick so I was not sure how I would go today as I still have a dry cough.
The mind games that go on while you are climbing the stairs is unbelievable. Every muscle ached and my lungs felt like they wanted to jump out of my body and run away. The first time I went up (I go down first) I kept thinking I am too weak to do this a second time. I will go home and work out on my own equipment instead. I would then think back at myself and say "yeah right, you'll just sit on the couch while watching the biggest loser! By the time I got to the top I did have my second wind so I went down and up again.
The second time I made it to the top I realised that I had complete a down and up in an average of 10 minutes each. I was rather proud of that. I think I knocked off another 5 - 10 minutes of my time. I sat down on the ground to stretch out my legs. It is the muscles in my lower back that complain the most. I kept looking down at the stairs wanting to do it 3x. I wasn't sure if my back could handle it or if my legs would let me go down.
I kept thinking of a comment my friend Betty said when I had a stranger give me inspiration to keep going the last time I was on the ladder. I had said how God had answered an unasked prayer for inspiration and she made the comment on how proud that God is of what I am doing. So as I sat at the top and stretched I looked down at the people running up and down. I asked God to give me some sort of sign to let me know that I would make it back up if I went down.
I kept thinking yes, no. yes, no and then finally stopped thinking and started listening. I had my headphones on and the song Unwritten by Natasha Benningfield. Below are the words to the song that I actually listened to and took it as a sign that I had to go a third time. I have put what I was thinking in brackets and the song words in italics.
I am unwritten,
can't read my mind,
I'm just beginning,
the pen's in my hand,
(My diet is still beginning and is a start of a new me that is yet to be written)
Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window (get rid of the baggage)
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find (the energy and drive I didn't realise I had)
Reaching for something in the distance (my goal to take control of myself and not let other things control me and the desire to reach that goal)
So close you can almost taste it (right here right now I have the option to go down the stairs again and come up. Today may be my only chance to see if I can do it).
Release your inhibitions (I am going for it - I can do it)
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in (only I have the power to change my weight and my health. I have to take the responsibility - no one else can).
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten (I CAN DO IT)